Swimming

At my rheumatology appointment several months ago, he said the best things for me would be warm baths and swimming.

I cannot access my bathroom so the warm baths are out of the question for the time being, and I haven't got around to using the local swimming pool yet, even though I have phoned them up and discovered they have a wheelchair you can take into the water and a changing places changing room with bed too. The water there is warmer than the usual council pools and my children love it there with the river rapids and fun slide. It is just my own mind that has stopped me getting there to date.

This has been for a few reasons. Firstly my tremoring legs wobble as they shake, which I hate. It means people stare at me and I hate that too. I know the right ways to deal with it, but when it is in the moment and I am already feeling self conscious, it is not that easy. Secondly is the fact that one side of the pool, the side where I would be pushed into the water in the wheelchair, has a glass window wall with a busy café, play area and reception on the other side. Lastly, the change in me over the last year has been amazing, and not in a good way. The thought of bumping into people we know but haven't seen for some time and having that conversation where you know they feel awkward and don't know what to ask and what to not puts me off too.

But last week we weren't local. We were four hours away from home in a relaxing and accessible caravan on a park full of friendly and helpful staff. With my children being home educated, it means we go away on holiday when aces are quiet. This means they can relax and enjoy things more and suffer less with anxiety and sensory overload. Generally there are far fewer children there, venues and activities are quieter and the swimming pools are emptier. The downsides are that often some of the activities get cancelled, especially daytime ones and there aren't so many opportunities for them to make friends. On this occasion t was a definite positive for the swimming pool.

The pool was a simple rectangular affair with shallow and deep ends, the latter being just 1.2metres deep. In the shallow end were a set of wide steps with a metal hand rail, then two pool ladders at either side of the deep end. On the first day I watched the children and my husband playing in the pool, having fun and was trying to decide if the effort and energy required to transfer out of and back into my wheelchair, combined with the effort of swimming would be worth it or not. Seeing them all having fun in there without me tugged at my heart strings, so when we headed back to the caravan I searched on YouTube for safe ways to transfer from the wheelchair to the pool and vice versa. I watched several videos before deciding on the approach I would take and planned to go the next day.

The next day we all put our bathers on under our clothes, grabbed all the towels we had with us and headed down to the pool complex. The lifeguards directed us in with the wheelchair, we easily found lockers and sent the children ahead into the pool with their flotation devices. I put my footplates into the locker to make it a little easier to transfer, took two towels with me and headed through the showers into the pool area.

I don't have great strength in my arms or legs, and have the added difficulty of tremoring limbs when pressure is put on them, so I knew getting into the pool would be difficult, and back out of the pool even more difficult.

We put the wheelchair at the shallow end of the pool, by the steps, next to the hand rail. Brakes on! My arm rests can be lifted up which was very useful here. I was able to hold the hand rail with my better arm whilst my husband held my left arm and I shuffled out of the front of the wheelchair, making sure my feet were placed on the first step. From there is was relatively easy to sit onto the top step and bum shuffle down into the pool whilst my husband wheeled the wheelchair to the edge, placed a towel on the seat and one over the back of the headrest for later on. The lifeguard came over to see if we needed help, but I told him we were OK until getting out of the pool.

Once I was deep enough in the water for it to help me float, I was able to swim off from the steps towards the deeper end of the pool. My children were so happy for me it was beautiful. They all came and gave me hugs in t turn, so many that I thought they might drown me.

I have always loved being in water and swimming, so have always been a relatively strong swimmer, able to get myself and my children out of any trouble in a pool or calm sea. This being my first time in water since becoming so unwell, I wasn't quite sure what to expect. As I started to swim it was quickly apparent that my arms were still able to move in a breast stroke motion, but my legs were too painful to do the same. My knees, hips and back were incredibly painful but I was able to propel myself using what motion I had in them combined with my arms. It didn't take long though before my arms felt fatigued. My son was amazing at that point and went to purchase me a pool noodle to reduce the strain on my arms. From that moment I was able to enjoy the experience more. I lay back and lay the back of my head on the noodle, lying back on the pool surface, bobbed around stretching my legs out under the water whilst laying my arms and head on the noodle and even managed to play catch with a pool ball. I did have to take regular breaks, pulling myself up on to the top step of the pool ladder, my son pushing my feet onto the rungs for me, and I was worn out around an hour before the rest of my family were ready to leave the pool, but it was worth every second.

When I was feeling exhausted I headed for the steps to sit down and rest in the warm water. Even though my wheelchair was at the side of the pool, I realised no one here knew it was mine. As I looked for a space to sit at the steps I had to practically sit on a lady's lap for her to move a little. It wasn't long before my husband and the lifeguard were there to help me out of the pool. My wheelchair was brought over and put next to the hand rail facing the pool. I bum shuffled up onto the edge of the pool, put my feet on the top step and was then lifted backwards into my chair by the lifeguard on one side and my husband on the other side. Obviously my legs were shaking all over the place but I made it.

At the side of the pool my husband was able to take my tankini top off for me whilst I covered up with a bath sheet before heading to the changing rooms to dry and dress. I was able to take my time and found it easier with my wheelchair reclining. Those who chose to peer into the cubicle and stare at me didn't see anything as I angled the wheelchair against the door opening and had the two towels to protect my modesty.

Unless you are body confident and choose a bikini, I would recommend a tankini over a one piece suit. I found I was able to dry quicker, remove the two pieces easier and if I had needed the toilet then that would also have been less of a struggle.

Once I was dressed, mu husband came and wheeled me back into the pool area so I could continue to watch the children playing. A couple of children splashed me now and then, but I didn't mind. After all, I was sat next to a swimming pool.

I was wiped out for the rest of the day and the following day, so didn't return to swimming during the holiday, but a lot of my fears have been put to rest now I know my current capabilities better.

It was also great to get to know the lifeguards during the break we had there. I knew I could trust them to help me if needed and also they allowed my children to use the pool the next day with me sat at the side in my chair (my husband wasn't feeling 100%). My son built a good relationship with one lifeguard too and the three of my children enjoyed all the extra water activities, including kayaking, water walkers and an obstacle course on water.

We have a longer family holiday booked for the summer, and I will definitely be swimming during that.